U.S. Economy Creates 157,000 Crappy Jobs

The American economy created 157,000 jobs in January, nearly all of them crappy. According to data released by the Labor Department, the greatest increase was in the Jobs Without Enough Hours sector, followed closely by Jobs With Terrible Pay. Other sectors experiencing robust growth included Dead-End Jobs, Soul-Sucking Jobs, and Jobs That Could’ve Been Done by Robots if Only Robots Were Cheaper.

Despite the uptick in new jobs, the unemployment rate increased to 7.9%, signifying more unemployed people entering the job market. This surprised most analysts because the vast majority of the new jobs were so god-awful that for most people, it’d be better to be unemployed than to actually have one of these jobs.

Also in the employment report, the Good-Paying Middle-Class Jobs sector continued its steady contraction over the past thirty years. Along with a precipitous decline in Career-Oriented Jobs, the report found more and more highly-qualified candidates forced to take crappy jobs out of desperation, encouraging employers to continue gutting pay and benefits from employees’ compensation packets.

In the months ahead, analysts expect further growth in Dehumanizing Jobs, Jobs People Never Thought They’d Settle For, and Customer Service.

Those You Can Trust:

How did the jobs get crappy? Maybe it was the robots.

If the robots don’t get you, consumers will.